A most hearty congratulations on achieving your milestone of 200 letters! We here in the Department would like to thank you for the work you’ve done in bringing the often incomprehensible world of letters to the laypeople. We would like to honor you with another caviar and fois gras luncheon, but unfortunately due to budget cuts you’ll have to settle for pizza. One topping only please.
As we hurtle forth into the great unknown that is the future, it is comforting to know that your internet newsletter will be guiding the way. As Kant famously wrote, “that which is, is, and that which is in New Jersey, is nothing.”
Latinus Phrasus Pompous,
Chair, Department of Letterology and Carpet Cleaning