Tag Archives: prehistoric

An Early Political Poll, c. 15,500 BCE

Suspected Communist

Suspected Communist

This fascinating example of prehistoric political behavior comes to us courtesy of Dr. Marlon Goggalor, Professor of Anthropolitics and Swing Dancing at the University of Missouri – Broider Grove

Dear Tribesman,

Chief Thak want information about your ideas. Please fill out rock and throw on pile with other rocks at earliest convenience.

Politics (please circle with blood and/or pencil):

  1. Do you approve of how Thak does job of Chief?     Y  N
  2. Do you prefer meat-focused food gathering or berry-focused?   Meat    Berry
  3. Do you support restrictions on sale of spears and/or arrows?   Y   N
  4. If Thak wants to fight other tribe, do you prefer to fight Tribe That Looks Like Us but Lives in Forest, or Tribe with Big Teeth That Hunts and Eats Us, and are also Dirty Communists?     Forest      Communists
  5. If Thak held election for chief, would you vote for Thak or to be stabbed in the eye with a spear?    Thak     Spear in eye

Demographics:

  1. Occupation:      Hunter     Gatherer     Hunter-Gatherer     Chief       Shaman
  2. Are you a virgin?        Yes, I have been sacrificed to the Sun God           Yes, but I have not been sacrificed yet           No
  3. Are you a:         Man      Not-man
  4. Age:     Number of fingers + toes  or younger                  Ancient
  5. Are you:     Mostly Hairy           Somewhat Hairy                 Not Hairy

Special

  1. Would you support an increase in the excise tax not exceeding 12% in order to increase fiscal expenditures with respect to hunting and gathering over the next quarter?

Survey designed and compiled by Zog, Zog, and Rasmussen Polling Solutions

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