It’s come to my attention that Easter only happens once a goddamn year. We can’t keep this company afloat if we’re selling Peeps one-sixth of the time, people. We need to find ways to sell the stupid things all year round. Everyone needs to start thinking about alternate uses for Peeps to include in our ads. Some jumping off points:
– What other holidays need chickens? Thanksgiving? Could these be baby turkeys just as easily?
– Shoving one in someone’s mouth is a fun, safe way to briefly shut them up
– Red and green Peeps as Christmas tree ornaments
– Peeps as stuffed animals for babies or children with small hands
– Peeps as stress balls that don’t frustratingly re-inflate on you
– Peep dollhouses where kids can act out Peep lives
– The Executive Peep: A gentlemen’s Peep for keeping at the office…no one needs to know
– Peep-flavored soda
– Peeps with photographs of baseball players’s faces printed on them–collect them all!
– Peeps: Kitty’s favorite new pillow
This is just a place to start. I was 15 ideas from each of you on my desk by Friday. Also, I’m upping your Peep consumption quota from 11 to 12 Peeps per day. We all need to do our part to use up all these disgusting Peeps.