Tag Archives: Invitations

Invitation to the Submarine Enthusiasts Fair, May 5, 1938

The party-goers in the submarine where the dancing is happening are going to have a blast!

The party-goers in the submarine where the dancing is happening are going to have a blast!

Dear Submarine Enthusiast,

You’re invited to the fourth annual Submarine Enthusiasts Fair![i] We are so excited for all of the entertainment and treats that we have prepared for our fellow submarine lovers this year.

Here is the pertinent information:

When: Saturday, May 21, 1938

Where: 200 feet below the surface of the Atlantic Ocean, off the coast of North Carolina.

Who: All you submarine enthusiasts in the Mid-Atlantic chapter[ii]

Why: Because it’s fun![iii]

Here’s what you have to look forward to:

–       An entertainment sub—with music and sketches, viewable through the portholes of your own sub

–       Sub history sub—visit the sub history sub for information about submarine history (visitors must come on board before we descend)[iv]

–       Food submarine!—picnic fare will be served to anyone who happens to be in the dining sub

We certainly hope you’ll join us![v]


Edward Branson

National President, Submarine Enthusiasts of America

[i] The first-ever fair was actually planned for 1929 but had to be canceled because it seemed inappropriate to celebrate submarines in the wake of the stock market crash.

[ii] At the time, there were eight members.

[iii] Invitation writers in modern times no longer promise anything of the sort on their invitations for fear of being sued.

[iv] Though we applaud the attempt to inject some historical education into the event, the sub history sub was poorly researched.

[v] Branson prudently left out mention of the $500 cost of attendance and the requirement to bring your own sub.

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Invitation to Sally and Chad’s Big Game Party, January 15, 2001

“Come see who takes home the Super Cup!”

Hey fans![i]

It’s that time of year again! Time to watch the hulksters of the AFL[ii] take on the monsters of the NBA[iii] in the Super Bowl! You are invtied to share the big game with us. We will be partying in style with brewskis full of wine coolers and buffalo-style tofu “wings,”[iv] plus low fat turkey burgers. And feel free to bring your own snacks (just don’t forget about Chad’s peanut allergy!)

We can guarantee that the sound will be low for maximum fun-chatting[v] time. We’ll only be turning it up for our famous commercial bingo! So bring your funny helmets[vi]! And who else can’t wait for the Halftime Show? It’s going to be a heck of a day!

So as the football men would say, play ball!

Sunday, January 28th at 5PM. Be there, or be square!

Sally and Chad[vii]

[i] Opera fans

[ii] American Freelancers League

[iii] National Book Award

[iv] Though all tofu have wings, they are a largely flightless vegetarian substitute

[v] Approved topics included wine tasting, AOL, and Friends.

[vi] These are no longer manufactured, but some can be purchased on eBay.

[vii] The country

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