Political Newsletter, 1863

Maybe it is right on policy, but how will it play in the swing states?

Maybe it is right on policy, but how will it play in the swing states?

Dearest Readers,

Good morning, and thank you for reading the JEREMIAH MICHAEL NEWSLETTER CONCERNING THE STATE OF THE POLITICAL LANDSCAPE, your top source for all the latest news with respect to our nation’s politics. This edition brought to you most generously by:

DR. SAMUEL HARRISON’S MOST RELIEVING CURE-ALL: Fixes what ails ya’. Be sure to ask your local chemist about our new HI-MORPHINE tablets, also available in children’s doses.

While most of our readers know that the so-called emancipation of the slaves may have been inevitable over the long term, pundits are divided on whether or not President Lincoln’s Emancipation Proclamation will have negative consequences for the upcoming races. Close aides to the president are already worried that Lincolncare, as it’s been dubbed by the opposition press, will lead to Republican losses next November.

While many supporters of emancipation hailed the move as a welcome step towards a better nation, frustrations have mounted over the slow pace of the rollout, with vulnerable border state Republicans now openly worrying about the optics. One unnamed source said, “Mr. Lincoln is quite right that the war must be fought to liberate millions of souls from a state of abject misery, but why now? The campaign is right around the corner.”

Democrats are already looking to pounce on the issue in the upcoming campaign. Strategist Finnian O’Flaherty told us: “This is just another government overreach. Why won’t the President lead by working with Democrats to destroy his signature accomplishment?” Certainly, Republican campaign strategists are already looking at headaches not even curable with a Harrison Cure-all, the most effective cure on the market. Even supporters are frustrated with the delays many users are facing when trying to access their emancipation. Some Republicans have urged patience, noting that many states, especially in the South, have been effectively attempting to sabotage the rollout by not setting up their own emancipation exchanges. Democrats counter that if the president wanted to free the slaves so badly, he should work with the opposition and delay the rollout.

Most importantly, pundits are as yet unclear how the public will react. We’ll surely know by next November whether the move to end what some have called a stain on the United States and a moral atrocity was worth trying in this term.

Best wishes to you and yours,

Jer. Michael and Staff

And remember, DR. SAMUEL HARRISON’S MOST RELIEVING CURE-ALL: from Dropsy to Malaria, nothing gets by our patented formula. Now with arsenic.

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1 Comment

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One response to “Political Newsletter, 1863

  1. marianne

    you always give me a chuckle, sonny boy

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