Complaint Letter to Fox Sports, October 2013

This man is more obscene than the Sears Roebuck catalog

This man is more obscene than the Sears Roebuck catalog

Dear Sirs:

I have been watching baseball on your network for as long as I can remember, and I have never in all those years been moved to complain about your broadcasts. Last night, however, I was so offended I had to contact you. This young McCarver fellow is simply disgusting. I’m not sure where you found him, but you should send him back there.

First, in the 3rd inning, he gratuitously said “69,” in reference to the young brownish child playing third base for Boston. I shouldn’t have to tell you, but that number represents a filthy sexual act and has no place on a family network. Not only that, but he described Fenway Park’s center field fence as being 420 feet from home plate, which my grandson tells me is code for smoking marihuana. I suppose your network is fine indoctrinating kids today into the world of reefer madness, with a side of oral sex. I won’t stand for it!

Mr. McCarver went on to describe Boston slugger David Artez as “holding a big stick.” Soon after, he described a play by the St. Louis shortstop as being “muffed.” When my wife heard these obscenities, she went white as a sheet and fainted. If that wasn’t bad enough, the other gentleman in the booth with the pleasant voice said something about “having it where it counts,” which is a reference to penis length if I’ve ever heard one.

I demand that these two filthmongers be replaced immediately for the rest of the series. Why Curt Gowdy and Mel Allen were ever replaced is beyond me.

Yours respectfully,

Josiah Crumsworth

Princeton ’31

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