The first official pronouncement from the royal baby, July 23, 2013

What a charming tribute to me.

What a charming tribute to me.

Greetings Commoners,

Let me begin by saying, thank you. Yesterday, the day I was born, was truly special, and it would not have been quite so special without your thoughts and prayers. I especially like some of the commemorative plates you’ve made in my honor.

Now that I’ve learned the ins-and-outs of public relations over the past few hours, I want you to know that I’m not going to be one of those royal babies who is off-putting, like Uncle Harry; stand-offish, like my great-grandfather Phil; or downright cruel, like some of my less savoury ancestors.

It is my hope to be the people’s baby. A baby that is passed quite casually from person to person, whether they went to Eton or even St. Albans. A baby that is equally amused by the Teletubbies and the poignant opening chords of Mendelssohn’s Violin Concerto in E Minor. Whither the people poop, there I will poop. And so forth, until I slowly rebuild the Empire to its former glory.

Until then, I am


His Royal Highness The Prince of Cambridge


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