A thank you card for the worst wedding gift ever, June 25, 2001

One of the many registry items you could have easily purchased.

One of the many registry items you could have easily purchased, if you cared about anyone but yourselves, you lazy jerks.

Dear Hank and Tina,

Thank you so much for the lovely “Congratulations” card. We can think of no better way to mark the most important day in our lives than with a piece of paper that we now get to recycle in our new home. We especially loved how original the card was, since it did not contain a check or gift card inside unlike everyone else’s cards. We certainly preferred it to anything on our easily accessible registry (it’s still up on Bed Bath and Beyond’s website!). We’ll have to tell our friends to make a card registry, so they can be sure to get a card as nice as the fucking card you gave us, even though I should think on a surgeon’s salary, you could afford at least a cheese board.

Thanks again for nothing, nothing at all,

Emma and Jake

 

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