You may not know me, but I certainly know you! For the last few months, we here at the NSA have been listening in to your phone calls. Please don’t be alarmed. This is only a precaution to make sure you haven’t been up to any terrorism or drug smuggling or anything.
Anyways, I couldn’t help but overhear last weekend when you were complaining to your sister about not being able to find a good Valentine’s Day gift for your wife. I thought I could help out. I overheard your wife say to her mother that she was hoping to get a string of pearls for your anniversary, but you gave her a microwave. Maybe if you get her the pearls this time, she’ll be surprised.
Trust me, you don’t want to scrimp this year. I also heard your mother-in-law tell her hairdresser what your wife got for you, and it is a doozy. Not to spoil the surprise, but it’s a new Android tablet. Hey, if she didn’t her secrets revealed, she never would have said them over the phone.
Also, your daughter is dating a girl. I can’t believe you haven’t noticed. We here at the NSA thought it was pretty obvious.
Your friendly neighborhood phone spy,