The first restaurant review of the first restaurant ever

5909 BCE

Mesopotamia Times, Lifestyle Section

Farmer Clag’s latest establishment (his first was, you’ll recall, his hut) is a tucked-away little cave simply called Grog. One enters the new “rest-a-raunt” through a few trees on the trendy side of the Tigris (it used to be the sleazy side of the Tigris). Once you’ve found the place and gotten past a bear or two, it’s time to truly rest your raunts. But while the food is tasty and the service impeccable, the decor leaves something to be desired.

Let’s start with the food. Grog is nothing if not bohemian, and the men-you includes a rich assortment of grains and fermented grains. They arrive artfully arranged on a leaf or piece of wood, depending on the time of day. Grog is open for two meals: morning meal and evening meal, so everyone will just have to make do on their own during midday meal! Clag himself may drop by your part of the cave, because the cave is not that big. This is a good opportunity to club him over the head if anything was cold.

Our only complaint was the decor. Can a group of dogs really play poker or would this, in fact, be impossible? Perhaps it’s time for someone to draw a goat or a handprint over that joke of a cave painting.


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