A series of letters exchanged between Chili the Snowman and Lala the Snowwoman

You know what they say about the size of a man’s carrot…

Dear Chili,

Hi, my name’s Lala! I saw you over in the Schwartzes’ yard and wondered if you’d like to be friends.

From,

Lala (in the Rubensteins’ yard)

*

Dear Lala,

I’m so glad you finally wrote! Can I get real with you? I’ve had my eye on you ever since little Joanna Rubenstein rolled the snow up in her yard into a series of three large snowballs and then decorated you with a wig and carrot nose. You’re beautiful.

Yours,

Chili

*

Chili,

If I had any internal vessels capable of transporting blood to my face, I’d blush. You say such nice things! I’m really sorry Joanna knocked your head off yesterday, and I’m glad little Danny Schwartz made her put it back.

Yours,

Lala

*

Lala,

I was at my usual post last night when I heard a scream. Are you alright?

-Chili

*

Chili,

Don’t worry. It was just Joanna’s mother storming off in her car in the middle of the night. I think she had a nightmare.

-Lala

p.s. I love knowing you care.

*

Lala, my darling,

Of course I care. If I had legs, the first place I’d go is right by your side, and I’d sweep you off your largest ball and carry you away. You’re my everything!

Love,

Chili

*

Chili,

Just wanted you to know you shouldn’t expect any more letters from me. You asshole.

-Lala

*

Lala,

It’s not what you think! Danny is the reason Lucy the Snowwoman and I are standing so close together. Only that little pervert would position my stick hand so it’s touching where Lucy’s breast would be if she had any. I think he just did it to make Joanna uncomfortable, with no thought for your feelings at all. I feel sick at the thought that you have to see this odious sight!

Love,

Chili

*

Dear Lala,

Hey girl, how’s it goin’? Chester here. Backyard snowman. You should come check out the scene here sometime.

Ciao,

Chester

*

Dear Chili,

I’m writing to say goodbye. I didn’t expect this to happen, but I’ve fallen in love with another snowman. I’ve never seen him because he’s in back of the house, but from his letters I’ve gotten to know him really well. We’re planning to run away together, perhaps in the spring. Don’t try to stop me.

I’ll always love you.

Fondly,

Lala

p.s. I’m sorry for everything I’ve said about Lucy. I hope you’re happy together.

Advertisements

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s