I’m sure you were as sad as I was to hear about the shooting in Connecticut yesterday. I thought you might appreciate the enclosed article from CNN, which I printed out, glued to a gray background, and mailed to you.
p.s. Do you believe me about the end of the world yet?
This letter reminds me of one of my favorite letters in the HoL collection. Several years ago, NRA president Wayne LaPierre sent a 14 page email to a concerned member, reassuring him that: “Look, no one hates the bad publicity from gunning down defenseless children more than me. But I promise you that as long as I have a breath in my body, your right to own military-style assault weapons that are taken out of video games for being unbalanced.”
Later: “Trust me. If anyone knows about having a small penis, it’s me. I mean, I can’t even get a semi unless I’m softly caressing the barrel of an AR-15. There’s no shame in it. I remember when I first saw Charlton in the NRA showers. He was like the bizarro Milton Berle. And no one handled a rifle better.”
Finally, towards the end: Again, don’t worry about the Feds “regulating” your guns. It’s every American’s right to have an arsenal that would put Bell’s Ferry to shame. But this congress has the smallest average penis size since the Harding administration, if you get my drift.”
LaPierre and his NRA lobbyists did succeed in defeating the bill in question, which would have made bringing machine guns into supermarkets a $50 fine. And nothing bad related to guns has happened since.