Is anybody out there?
I am a 33-year-old man, alone with my wife and 2-year-old son in our apartment, which we have not left since Sunday at 4 pm. We are trying to make contact with anyone who might still be alive out there after Hurricane Sandy. We are running out of provisions and down to our last 6 cans of beans, 4 or 5 packages of pasta, pasta sauce, some nice parmesan, a crusty baguette, half a cake and whatever else is in the pantry. I think there are some bananas.
Our power and internet are working but we are desperate for a better cell phone signal. Many of our text messages are not going through on the first try.
If anyone has a ham radio, then you probably have a cell phone too. Please call 917-555-6211 to reach us. We’d really like to talk to someone new.
We are tired of snuggling. The gym in the basement is overcrowded and stinky. We have watched all the new episodes on Hulu.
As the devastation wrought on the eastern seaboard by Superstorm Sandy is assessed, we urge our readers to spare a thought for those forgotten in the destruction: bored rich people stuck at home, often tragically with their families. The Upper West and Upper East sides of Manhattan were both hit hard by a sense of ennui, that life was down where all the flooding was. Instead, these brave soldiers were forced to read to their children or use canned tomatoes in their risottos.
Or should I say “we” brave soldiers, as History of the Letter Towers was largely unaffected by the severe flooding, fires, and power outages in other parts of the city. The damage we faced was much more insidious, as the pumpkin puree used in our famous pie was an off-brand, and it really didn’t have the warm buttery flavor of our normal brand, which was OUT OF STOCK at the 98th street Whole Foods. And not one word from Mayor Bloomberg thanking us for staying in and watching the same Netflix movie again.
At one point, the blackouts and flooding did such a number to our Twitter feed that we were waiting 2, 3, or as long as 5 minutes for an update. Facebook feeds went silent. The Huffington Post went down. And as we stared mournfully at the dark half of Manhattan, drinking wine that paired only partially with our chipotle lime salmon and Asian salad, we wondered if life as we knew it could ever be the same.
If you want to help out victims of the storm, please visit http://www.redcross.org