Timothy Spalding to his Pictionary Teammate, June 1988

Seriously, how do you not see this is Crime and Punishment?

Dear Dipwad,

Thanks again for having Sue and I over. She hasn’t stopped raving about Beth’s pie! Personally, I thought she burned the crust, but hey, what do I know?

Oh, that’s right! I know how to play Pictionary, which is something you can’t seem to grasp. When I draw an elaborate, three piece diagram perfectly encapsulating the very essence of “Banana Pudding,” it would be best for someone of your intellect to wait until I’m finished before yelling out it’s a cat. And once it’s clear it is not a cat, or indeed any animal, but rather a foodstuff, it is inappropriate for you to continue shouting out animals until we run out of time.

Your wife, ungainly though she may be around an oven, at least possesses the wherewithal to interpret my beautiful but dull wife’s harried scribblings. You, for all of your Harvard educations and bigshot lawyering, cannot seem to understand that puns are a terrible way to play Pictionary.

Indeed, it’s like you do not even understand the very basics of La Belle Pictionaire. When you attempted to draw what was clearing a boat running ashore on the beaches of South India, you were somehow incredulous that that was my first guess. I know the tale of the Rajputana Raider, my friend. Needless to say, we shan’t team up again.

Anyways, Sue wants to invite you and Beth over for dinner next weekend. Don’t bring Pictionary. Hopefully you can play Charades with the skill of a moderately intelligent sea creature (not including dolphins, who would kill you at Pictionary I’m sure).

Best wishes,



The post-dinner party thank you note has a storied history, dating back to the very first dinner party, when one cave man invited another cave man over to his cave for dinner but didn’t serve a gluten-free dessert. After the dinner, the guest wrote to his host thanking him for his gracious hospitality but complaining of feeling slightly bloated and just wanting to check on what was in that apricot tart.

Surveys have shown that Harvard lawyers may be the worst Pictionary players in the country, as, in addition to not being able to identify hastily sketched items, they also have a tendency to mention that they went to Harvard Law School every minute and thirty seconds.

But Timmo was asking for it with “La Belle Pictionaire.”


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