Info@barackobama.com to User

Dear User,

Thank you for your interest in unsubscribing. We are sorry to hear that you are not satisfied with the quality of your hourly campaign notices. Please follow these three simple steps to unsubscribe:

1)


2) Please enter your email address below, which will automatically enter you in a contest to win dinner with President Obama:

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3) Please consider donating $10 or more today. Thanks. It means a lot to President Obama to know you’ve got his back. You do have his back, don’t you? Because you realize if everyone just thinks, “aw shucks, someone else will donate,” then we’ll very soon run out of money and you’ll end up cursing yourself on Election Day but it will be too late because Sir Smirks-a-Lot Mitt Romney will be president and it will be eight hellish years of Bush all over again only worse because you could have prevented it this time if you would just take five freaking seconds to give us the pathetic $10 you’d probably just spend on beer or a mediocre chicken parm sandwich while meanwhile the fate of the free world hangs in the balance.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Analysis:

President Barack Obama’s 2012 Presidential campaign has already set records for both fundraising, with nearly one billion dollars in donations, and fundraising emails, with nearly 10 Trillion already sent from him, his wife, his campaign, his cool rich friends, and Joe Biden. If you printed every fundraising email from Obama for America on normal 8.5 x 11 paper and stacked them, it would begin interfering with the Curiosity Rover’s mission on Mars. At this point, it would nearly match the size of the stack of Mitt Romney’s dollars that he’s never paid taxes on.

Many of Obama’s die-hard supporters have been disappointed with aspects of the campaign, such as the President’s lackluster debate performance. The President, conversely, has been disappointed with the enthusiasm amongst his donors. This can be seen in the increasingly strident subject lines of his fundraising emails:

  • Stand with Barack!
  • Seriously guys, show Barack you’re behind him!
  • Mitt Romney and Karl Rove are Trying to Buy This Election
  • Did You Not Read My Last Email? It’s Like You’re Not Even That Outraged
  • Lady-people! Mitt Romney Wants to Own Your Uterus!
  • Don’t You Think Sending $10 to Me is a Little More Important than Buying Yet Another Star Wars Novel?
  • How About You Just Give Me Your Card Number and I Do What I Need to Do

Although the President’s appeals have certainly been numerous, it doesn’t match the sheer fundraising might of the famous McKinley ’96 campaign. McKinley’s campaign manager simply knocked on office doors on Wall Street and told the executives he found that unless McKinley won, William Jennings Bryan would literally take all of their money and give it to farmers to plant in the ground. Traders, believing farmers were dumb enough to try just that, gave McKinley’s campaign upwards of 8 million dollars, which after adjusting for inflation, comes out to nearly as much as Mitt Romney has literally buried on a beach in the Caymans.

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