Dear Parents and Friends:
It’s that time of year again, when the temperatures rises and so does the amount of time you have to spend with your kids! We all know how stressful the summer can be, with all of those hot dogs and wiffle balls and hammocks. Why make it more stressful by spending it with children? Let Chalkum Day Camp, off Route 13 in Fiddleston take them off your hands for an experience they’ll never forget!
Surrounded by nature in the historic Fiddleston Park Strip Mall, Chalkum Day Camp provides children a place to do all the things they’d be doing anyways, outside the comforts of your home. We have the latest in XBox, Playstation and Nintendo Wii video games. Our satellite dish picks up Spongebob reruns in over 12 languages. Our beanbag chairs are comfy and our couches are already covered in juice stains. Your kid can veg out all day without having to worry about pulling muscles or losing weight or getting sun. Plus, your weekly fee of $250 includes daily lunch from McDonald’s and enough Funyons Brand Onion-Flavored Rings to make your kid fat and happy, just the way you like them. Our crack team of stoned 17 year-old counselors want nothing more than to eat snacks and watch cartoons with your kids. It’s the perfect summertime experience!
So why take up valuable space on your couch and in your schedule with your child when we can do it for you? Send them to Chalkum Day Camp and we’ll do the rest!
Samuel Pozininski, President and Chief Fitness Officer
P.S. Nature doesn’t have air conditioning like we do!
Day camp dates back to the Middle Ages, when children were sent to learn a trade during the one hour of every summer day they could be spared from tilling the farms. Farms back then required hours and hours of tilling to produce a single potato, a problem we get around now by eating hologram potatoes supplemented with Vitamin Water.
Ivan, Son of Pitr (1103 – 1108 AD), was the first Camp Director, a hairy breed known for their exceptionally thick calves and ability to painstakingly pick out a melody on the guitar while everyone tries to sing along. He started a camp for children whose parents had died of plague, which eventually became the city of Berlin.
Today, summer camp is an annual ritual that children look forward to all year as it has way better video games than school.