A series of Valentine’s Day cards send by Mitt Romney to his wife

Okay, okay, red or pink?

February 14, 1965

Annie Fo-Fanny,

Enjoy these roses, valentine. While I personally don’t like roses, I think every woman deserves to have roses on Valentine’s Day. Won’t you be mine?

Love,

Mitty

*

February 14, 1981

Annie my love,

Daisies for my daisy. Roses are so overdone, don’t you think? I had an aunt who got roses every year and hated it.

Love,

Mitt

*

February 14, 1999

Dear Ann,

Happy Valentine’s Day! Apparently, it’s sacrilege to not give your lovely roses on Valentine’s Day so here you go.

Love,

Mitt

*

February 14, 2012

Ann,

Thought I’d forget, didn’t you? Roses are hideous and offensive, so here are some chocolates. Next year I’ll be spoon feeding you eggs in the White House.

Love,

Mitt

p.s. I’ll have to do a quick opinion poll on those eggs first.

Analysis:

Mitt Romney has been accused of many things during this year’s Republican Presidential primary season, but being an inattentive husband is not one of them. Every year, in fact, Mitt spends hours in front of the card display at CVS, picking up and putting back cards. Sometimes, he finds one he likes. The lucky card is then overnighted to his campaign staff, who focus test it with a group 200-300 people. The opinions are then tallied, and Mitt has to go on Fox News to explain why he no longer likes the card. Eventually, his speechwriter comes up with a pithy note that is charmingly noncommittal on the question of love and/or romance.

As Governor of Massachusetts, Romney was fairly liberal in his Valentine’s Day planning. In 2003, he took his wife out for Thai food and gave her a box-set of Stevie Nicks’ greatest hits before returning home to [ed. note – cut due to unpleasant imagery]. Since he began running for president, however, his celebrations have become decidedly more conservative. These days, it’s a box of chocolates, a single red rose, and just a little [ed. note – trust us, this one was even worse somehow]. He’s been accused of flip-flopping over whether or not gays should be allowed to celebrate Valentine’s day as well.

Rick Santorum, of course, spends his Valentine’s Day shouting bible verses at his wife until she breaks down in tears. Ron Paul does not celebrate Valentine’s Day, as he believes it’s a tenth amendment issue. Finally, Newt Gingrich celebrated Valentine’s Day for awhile until he stopped in favor of a younger, sexier holiday (Arbor Day).