Dear Mr. and Mrs. Favreau,
Thank you again so much for hosting me over Christmas. I had a really wonderful time getting to know your lovely family and learning about your family traditions. Most of all, it was truly a treat to see Alex’s childhood bedroom and have sex in his childhood bed.
I felt right at home in your charming house. It reminds me a lot of my parents’ house, which is also full of joy and books and photographs, only without the numerous photographs of the person I’m sleeping with every night upstairs.
I really appreciate you not being weird about Alex and me sharing a room. It would have really put a damper on our lovemaking if I’d had to stumble down the hallway from the guest room every time we wanted to do it. This way, as soon as everyone had retreated to their cozy bedrooms, we could immediately and comfortably get into it.
Thanks again for giving me a wonderful “home away from home” this Christmas. With all the fucking, I was hardly even homesick.
Younger readers may be shocked to hear, but at one point in American history, it was not common for parents to condone their teenagers’ constant boinking before marriage. In fact, until the early 1900s, most states considered sex out of wedlock a felony, punishable by death or a $100 fine ($450,000 today). If the offense occurred in a parent’s bed, on a living room sofa, or on a kitchen table, the penalty was doubled.
Now, of course, most parents are reluctant to prevent their children from doing stuff they either did or wished they had been allowed to do. A survey conducted for Fox News in 2006 suggests that nearly 60% of parents would rather have their kids having non-stop booze- and pot- fueled sex parties than doing something really dangerous, like voting for Newt Gingrich or going camping with a church leader. Still, most parents prefer the parties take place outside their home, unless of course the kids are nice enough to invite their parents.
On a side note, Karen received a similar letter from Mr. and Mrs. Favreau after they visited their son at school, thanking her for letting them have sex in the dorm shower and in her bottom bunk. She reported it was “a little weird, I guess.”