My dear friends,
It’s that time of year again at “Hamish MacDonald’s Farm and Foodstuff Service and Purchasing Center” – the famous “MacDonald’s MacMutton” is once again available for purchase at your local retailer! For most of my most loyal customers, that will be my home kitchen, where Mrs. MacDonald fixes our foodstuffs and goodery with a most tender and elegant hand. Please, do come and dine with us, either at one of our most convenient picnick benches, or by driving your cart up to our horse and carriage window and placing your order thusly.
As you all know, the MacMutton is our most popular limited-service item. The sheep entrails are smoked and slow-roasted in our spit before being covered in wool.. The foodstuff is doused with whiskey, and a local priest blesses the item with holy water. Why not try one as part of our “Most Delectable and Valued Combination Food Programme,” where you can add a side of mutton and a warm glass of whiskey for just a tuppence? It has been described in Amos McTeagan’s “Broadsheet Comparing Foodstuffs at Various Prices and Locales” as being a “most savoury item, for a cost not unamenable to the yeoman.”
If the MacMutton does not whet your appetite, please do consider purchasing one of our other items, such as the “Mutton in a Nuggeted and Fried Form,” or the MacDonald’s specialty, the “Big, nay Largest, MacDonald’s Ground Beef Patty, Enmeshed in a Delectable Form of Breading.” When considering where next to stop and dine in your sojourn across Southwestern Scotland, please do consider stopping at “Hamish MacDonald’s Farm and Foodstuff Service and Purchasing Center.”
Your friend in foodstuffs,
P.S. Customers presenting this letter when ordering are hereby entitled to a ha’penny’s savings on a medium side of Peat.
Readers of the blog who are familiar with the “McDonald’s” fast food chain may be surprised to learn that the restaurant dates back to late 16th and early 17th century Scotland. Hamish MacDonald began selling delectable and affordably priced treats to the local farmers and merchants of the area. He didn’t realize, as McDonald’s does today, the virtue of disguising the fact that these foods are affordable because they are mostly made of wool and the odd button or human finger.
The invention of the MacMutton was initially the cause of much shuddering in town. Partly because of the gross ingredients and partly because it caused a vagal nerve disorder. But among a small group of “hip” merchants who dressed up like farmers and wore tights without anything over them, the MacMutton took on a sort of cult status.
Whether they were being ironic or not, their support led to MacDonald’s success (they dropped the “a” in the 1950s under accusations of communism). Today, the “starter” ingredient in the popular McRib is still a chunk of leftover MacMutton from 1601.