Arnold Schwarzenegger to Ivan Reitman, May 17, 2011

Now if he's impregnated a man, that would have been a Real story.

Ivan,

Just wanted to drop you a note and see if you’ve ever thought of making a sequel to Junior. No one can deny that was a funny movie.

Best wishes,

Arnold

Analysis:

This email entered the Kantrowitz Collection when a no doubt harried former governor accidentally sent the email to the wrong Ivan–Henry Ivan Kantrowitz. Of course, all of his deceased uncle’s emails are automatically forwarded to Dr. Matthew Kantrowitz’s inbox, which explains why he has access to this email with no further questions needed.

Schwarzenegger’s relaxed tone belies the inner turmoil he must be experiencing after his announcement today that he fathered an illegitimate child a decade ago. Scholars can’t help but assume he is identifying more deeply than ever with his character from the film Junior, Dr. Alex Hesse. Hesse’s deep desire for women to be fertile leads him to take an experimental fertility drug himself, even though he is a man and the drug is designed for women.

In other words, Hesse is willing to do anything–to take actions that fly in the face of logic, morality, and indeed science–so that women everywhere can have babies. Likewise, Schwarzenegger’s personal life has reflected a deep commitment to impregnation.

After forwarding the message to Ivan Reitman with a cute note, Dr. Kantrowitz received a reply suggesting Junior had been “a blight on [Reitman’s] career. Sure, Emma [Thompson] is a dream to work with, but I mean really, a man gives birth to a baby?? If I could take back that movie, I would.”

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1 Comment

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One response to “Arnold Schwarzenegger to Ivan Reitman, May 17, 2011

  1. This is just further proof of my hypothesis that the person who gave birth to Arnold Schwarzenegger’s illegitimate child was… Arnold Schwartzenegger (using Expectane, of course).

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