H.G. Wells to Arthur Conan Doyle, 1894

Careful, Watson. Time-traveling aliens are afoot!

Dear Artie:

Let me start by telling you this: I LOVE SHERLOCK HOLMES! He is the greatest English hero since the Duke of Wellington. It’s soooooo much fun to read about all of his adventures with that dreamy Watson he’s always hanging around with. He’s just so smart and strong and I just think he’s tops.

That said, I think it’s time to update the old bastard. How many murders in dreary old London can one guy solve? I think it’s time for Holmes and Watson to take their show on the road. I’ve included some of my Sherlock Holmes fan fiction (which has been VERY well-received, thank you very much) for guidance.

What if, for example, Sherlock Holmes and Watson got a mysterious letter FROM THE PAST and they had to build a carriage that travels through time so they can solve the mystery of the guys who killed Caesar or something? That would be bad-ass. They would be flying around through time, checking out cool stuff, and jumping into bed with some fine Egyptian ladies or something. You know what I’m talking about.

Or how about this: it’s Sherlock Holmes’ toughest case. Not only is the villain dashing, intelligent, and underhanded, but he’s also COMPLETELY INVISIBLE!!!! How can you outsmart someone you can’t see? Only Sherlock Holmes knows! Or maybe, Holmes and Watson have to fight off ALIEN INVADERS FROM VENUS and they have these guns that go FWOOOM ZAP KSSSSHHSHSHS BANG and they have these space ships that fly around and grab people with long tentacle things. Then Holmes can punch the alien leader in the face and be all like, “that’s elementary, bitch.” HOW AWESOME WOULD THAT BE? Feel free to use any of my ideas, but be sure to credit me.

Your biggest fan,

Herbie

Analysis:

OMG, those are some seriously good ideas! Scholars can only assume Arthur Conan Doyle never received this letter (it was discovered in a box in H.G. Wells attic marked “teleportal”), because otherwise he definitely would have used some of these great ideas.

Professor Estelle Baracuda of Underwater University proclaimed her disappointment in an essay titled, “Oh Man, That Would Have Been Awesome,” when she wrote: “I wish I myself had a time machine so I could travel back in time and convince Doyle to write these stories! And then I would punch my alcoholic father in the face.”

This scholar in particular really would have liked to read the story where the alien invaders attack! Aliens would have really livened up some of those Sherlock stories. Wow, that would be sweet!

Too bad Doyle is dead.

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “H.G. Wells to Arthur Conan Doyle, 1894

  1. Rebecca

    Oh man, I thought I liked those stories, but I totally would have liked them WAY more with those awesome additions!!

  2. Mike

    Hahahah, “that’s elementary, bitch.”

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