Dear Ms. Black,
Thank you for applying to the RIAA’s Special Committee for Songs About Days of the Week. In the long and illustrious history of the RIAA, we are perhaps most proud of our continuing efforts to recognize artists who go above and beyond the call of duty in creating works of art about the days of the week. We have always firmly believed that days, rather than abstract concepts like “love” or “home” or “dessert,” form the basis of our days.
We are happy to inform you that your request to record your song “Friday” has been approved. The Committee feels that your song will fit in nicely with the other great day of the week songs. It reminded us of “Saturday Night (is the Loneliest Night of the Week)” sung by Frank Sinatra and Cat Stevens’ “Tuesday’s Dead.” You are no less a performer of songs about days of the week than either of those giants. We were especially pleased with your last verse, in which you helpfully explain that Friday, while coming after Thursday, is followed by Saturday, which is yet still followed by Sunday. “Fun fun fun fun,” indeed!
Unlike “Manic Monday” and “Sunday Bloody Sunday,” we are pleased that your song does not stray from the central message of Friday occurring. Many artists feel the need to despoil their days-of-the-week-related music with “messages,” which the RIAA strongly opposes. These songs can be viewed negatively by someone somewhere, which means our earning potential on the song is lower than it otherwise would be. Focusing on the day itself makes your song superior, and we fully expect to make enough money on your song to pay for another year of 5-star catering services for our pets.
We expect this video will become wildly popular on the Internet, and we are looking forward to suing the first 10-year-old illegal downloader on your behalf.
Dominic Girthman, RIAA Special Committee for Songs About Days of the Week
The timely appearance of this letter may help some who have been struggling to comprehend the meaning behind Rebecca Black’s infamous song “Friday.” Far from offering a layered melody or obscure lyrics, Black’s song celebrates the very “Fridayness” of “Friday.” It is about Friday, nothing more, nothing less than the day of the week itself.
What makes this dramatic flatness even more stark is that a photocopy of Black’s application form, attached to this letter, reveals previous interest in a song about Thursday, called “Thursday.” The lyrics to “Thursday” include some of the same concerns as “Friday” such as Black’s need for breakfast and deciding where to sit in her carpool. But “Thursday” lacks the emphasis on plans for the weekend. It is as if on Thursday, the notion of “weekend” has not yet entered Black’s emotional vocabulary. Thursday is, as it were, an entirely different day from Friday.
While some have questioned Black’s dubious authority on the subject of Friday the day, Black’s application included a 34-page thoroughly researched paper on the subject of Friday, its history, contemporary practice, horoscope and likes and dislikes. She clearly has an interest and a deep understanding of the day. In the essay, she recounts an incident in which a classmate was confused about what day it was, and she took on the formidable task of informing him that it was Friday, Friday.
Currently, Ms. Black’s song has 1,972,035 dislikes on YouTube.